These Three Words – Game Changer

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Recently I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass. There is always an interesting discussion happening on that show. Oprah has a guest on and they talk about their ideas and viewpoints on life topics. It’s usually someone who has positioned themselves as an expert and has a book to promote. I always find little helpful nuggets from this show. The way they get the audience involved, in studio and through social media, is really cool.

One day in particular, I was watching and Steve Harvey was on. Personally, watching his transformation from a standup comedian to actor and mega entreprenuer has been amazing. I can usually take something from his thoughts and advice. This day was no different. He was talking about his new book “Think Like A Success”. During his time on the show, he took questions from the audience. One mother asked about her kids. Her children are all adults ranging in age from their mid-20s to 30 years old. She was still supporting all of them financially in some way. This “support” was putting a strain on her relationship with her husband. She pretty much wanted Steve to tell her she was right for taking care of her “babies”, as she called them. Oprah and Steve reminded her that her children were no longer babies but instead had babies of their own.

Steve told her that he and his wife regularly say these three words to their kids:

Your WingsAs soon as he said the words, “Your wings work!”, I smiled. I think that’s perfection. For our kids, we want to give them the world. The issue with the woman on the show was knowing when to pull the plug. We can’t hold them so tight that we break their wings. At some point, we have to let them test those wings and just be there for the shifts in the wind that knock them off their path.

The truth is,we all need to know that we are fully capable of the life we want. We could all use a reminder here and there to keep flapping. Sometimes we don’t use our wings at all and wonder why we’re not moving. If a bird attempts to leave the nest without attempting to fly, you’ll find it still near that tree. The bird will either be at the foot of the tree injured and upset with his position in life or dead because of his lack of effort. The same is true of our dreams. If we don’t try our dreams will be stuck. They’ll remain a dream, but a dormant one.goal dream

The other alternative is they could wither and disappear because we gave them no effort. The solution is to START FLAPPING! You may not immediately soar out of the nest but you’ll be moving. You’ll begin to soar in due time. Promise!

Write The Vision

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Are you the type of person who has to write things down to make sure you actually do them or remember them? *Raises Hand* That’s so me! I have to do lists all of the place. They are taking up lots o’ space in my phone and in my notebook planner. I have lists and sub-lists. I’ve gotten better. The lists used to be spread out on stray pieces of paper here and there.

Having a list is absolutely my favorite way to stay on track. It’s always nice to come back to a list and delete several things because I actually followed through! I give myself a pat on the back and a get it, mama shout and move on to the next thing.

One thing that I’ve tried recently  is really working for me. For the first time, I have a vision board. I had heard about them for years. My intention had been to do one for a while now. I finally sat down earlier this year and made it happen. I went through the old magazines that I haven’t found time to read and started cutting. I went for anything that spoke to me. I included things that I wanted to see in my life or that I wanted to see more of in my life. I found quotes that said something to me. When I was done I had a heap of magazine clippings! I could have done a second vision board with the stuff I threw away.  Here is what I came up with:

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My board speaks to the growth I want to see in my business and my re-commitment to my fitness. It touches on the changes I want to see in our home, travel and my style. They are all represented on the board. While not everything is where I’d like it to be, I’ve seen serious progress. From business to fitness and our home there have been changes. Everything is moving in the right direction. My board isn’t even a year old. I will be paying attention to the progress I make as I get closer to the one year mark.

thougts worldI have to say, there is something to be said for putting what you want out there. It’s a powerful thing to speak it and then watch it take shape. Having a vision board has been a really good thing for me. It’s not that I’m always focused on the board either. Every now and then I glance up at it. There were times that I’d shake my head at myself for not making progress on the things on that board. For a bit, I wasn’t make much of an effort. Having it in front of my face was a constant reminder to DO SOMETHING! So, I did.

I found my work out equipment and DVD’s and started working out again. I thought of the person I used to be when I was in better shape and started buying those foods again. I really do feel like I felt BEFORE having my son almost 5 years ago. Just making those changes in my life have been huge for me. I took time away on a weekend here and there to get some work done. I have been doing research and brainstorming and creating products for this business. I have been sharing my heart with anyone who will listen and the support has been overwhelming. I can’t say looking at that vision board everyday and seeing my goals had nothing to do with that. As I get to work on some of these other goals, I’ll let you know how things unfold. I’m really excited to see what’s next!

Have you done a vision board? What’s been your experience with it? If you haven’t done a vision board, share your ideas for checking off goals!

Comfort Zones Are The Devil

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OK, so calling comfort zones the devil could be a bit ahem, strong. Maybe.

Comfort is a good thing. We all want it. Whether it’s your shoes, your jeans, your bed, your finances we all seek some sort of comfort. I remember moving to L.A. and having to start all over with my career. I was in the struggle for real. When you jump into the job market out here looking to work in entertainment – it’s feast or famine. Everybody out here wants what you want. You are literally competing with millions. That was a scary feeling. I wanted it so bad though. I wanted to get to a place of achieving my dream. I did it. I found work in my field doing exactly what I wanted. Then came the fight to stay. To prove myself. Once I accomplished that, I was comfortable. That comfort was good for a while. Then it wasn’t.

The thing is when I get comfortable. I get antsy. I feel like I need to switch something up. I found that I missed the old me. I didn’t miss the struggle but I missed my hunger and my passion for it. I started to lose it. I decided to go on a rediscovery mission. It was not an easy decision. There’s a lot to be said for comfort. There’s this sense of security in it. Knowing what’s next, being used to a routine – that was comfortable. It wasn’t enough anymore though.

In shedding my comfort zone, I let go of the entertainment world. Scary. I became a stay at home mom. Scary. I dove into my passion of motivating other mothers. Scary. I’m starting a business. WTF Scary! All completely out of my comfort zone. The thing is, it’s bringing out the best in me. I have been taking my time and slowly building this space. Whenever I talk to someone about it the first word that comes from their mouth is passion. Everyone tells me how passionate I am about what I’m doing here. It’s true and I’m glad it’s coming through. I’d like to believe this quote is true… 😉

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There’s nothing easy about stepping out of your comfort zone. The thing is, that’s where the magic is!

comfort zoneHere are three ways to kick your comfort zone to the curb:

  1. Choose to do something different. It could be anything you choose. Just something to upset the apple cart a bit. See how that change makes you feel. You never know, this “new” way make work for you!
  2. What are your fears? Pick one. Face it. You may even want to take baby steps and work your way up to it. But get there. It will help you become more comfortable with taking risks.
  3. You’re going to be nervous when stepping out of your comfort zone. Feel that fear and do it anyway.

Tell me, what’s the last thing you’ve done to push you out of your comfort zone?

 

5 Ways to Make those Habits STICK

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There are some goals I’ve been setting around here. That’s nothing new. I’m the queen of having a goal. I always feel the need to have something to work toward. One of my goals is working on staying committed to my fitness. I have fallen off in a big way since having kids. Getting back on track has been slow going – but it’s going!

I was talking to my girlfriends recently and we all agree that we could be doing more. Whether it’s the things we eat or working out – more could be getting done. As for me, I’ve carved out some time in my day to work out at least 4 times a week. I want to get back up to 5 days. It’s been a while since I’ve been that girl though so I am pacing myself. The goal here isn’t for me to hit a certain weight or size. That was never my goal with working out. I did it because it is good for me. I like how it makes me feel. I like how it makes me look.  Working out in the morning sets the tone for my day too. Once I’ve sweat it all out, it’s a little tough for me to justify a glazed donut. I feel like I worked too hard to give in to that and try to opt a healthier choice instead. It doesn’t always work (no one is perfect) but the thing is, working out keeps my goal of a healthier lifestyle at the forefront of my thoughts. That’s a great thing.

Your life does not get better by CHANCEWhile exercising used to be as much a part of my day as eating breakfast, it’s been touch and go for a while now. Essentially this means I’m trying to form a new habit. They say it takes at least 21 days for a new habit to stick. I’ve got just over a week to go! Whenever we start something new and attempt to make it a part of our new normal it takes work. We all have busy lives and trying to change things up often means trying to squeeze something else in to an already full schedule. One thing that’s been working for me is leaving my workout clothes out at night so they are the first things I see in the morning. I also leave my workout DVD cued up so all I have to do is press play!

No matter what new habits we start, we can all use a little support to stick to them. Here are a few ideas to keep the ball rolling once you get started.

Whatever it is you plan to tackle, start with your least favorite part of it first. Getting the least pleasant part of it out of the way, makes the rest of it easier.

Break things down into manageable chunks. No need to tackle the whole enchilada. If you’re looking to get fit, just move. Don’t set a number goal. You’ll only feel like you’re not making progress if you don’t see that number when you think you should.

Get a buddy! Let someone know you’re trying to start something new. They’ll check in with you and hopefully motivate you and keep you accountable.

Give yourself grace! If you fall off here and there, don’t beat yourself up. Just re-commit and move forward.

Use your words for good. Don’t say what you can’t do. Don’t allow yourself to talk yourself out of what you’ve started. You can do it!

Are you starting anything new? Tell me about it. Or let me know how you stick to a new habit.

 

5 Tips for Rocking SAHM (ommyhood)

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After being a working mom for the last few years, life has changed a bit and I’m trying my hand at being a stay at home mom. I’d heard from my friends that being a stay at home mom wasn’t a job for the weak. My friends weren’t lying. I’m more tired as a stay at home mom than I ever was when I worked outside the home. I think it’s because I have way more physical labor now. Instead of sitting behind a desk, I am hauling my kids around, in and out of car seats and shopping carts as we head off on our daily adventures.

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It’s a different grind. As a working mom, I had stresses and feelings of guilt. I still have issues as a stay-at-home-mom, they’ve just changed. I just felt the need to clarify that because I’m not on board with the whole mom wars thing. I don’t think more highly of one over the other. Motherhood is hard. Period.

I’ve learned a few things after almost a year at home with the kids. Here are my top five ways for surviving as a stay at home mom.

1 – Have a plan!

My day would not work if I didn’t have a plan of what I wanted to do with the kids each day. My kids can get a little stir crazy and need activity and routine. I have to keep that in mind when I’m planning our week or none of us are happy.

2 – Respect the nap

I can’t just keep going with what I’d like to do if it’s going to cut into their nap time. If their routine is off too much, so is their behavior. Let’s just say I learned this the hard way… a few times.

3 – Meal planning saves sanity

Along with planning our day, I try to plan our meals.. all of them. Many times, I pack our lunches so that we can have a picnic at times or just be ready with food if we’re still out at lunch time. Dinner is always planned too so that I’m not doing that last minute panic when it’s time to eat.

4 – Talk to adults

I have found that calling my friends at some point during the day is essential. It’s just nice to have adult conversations. Many times, it’s flat outt necessary.

5 – Have something for yourself

It’s critical for me to have something that’s just for me. It helps if it’s something I’m passionate about. I’m used to working outside the home full time and I had to create something for me to continue to have that part of myself. Part of that is my blog, the other is this space. When I get a few hours to myself, I work on my projects and when I’m done it’s like I’ve been re-fueled. That boost makes me a better wife and mama. Win win!

What about you? What are your secrets for making mommyhood work?

TGIF? Nope, I’ll Pass

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Fin. I’m done with it. TGIF and I shall now part ways. Yep, we broke up.

I am all aboard and hitching my wagon to that whole “ain’t life grand train”. I am all about not being this girl anymore.

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I don’t know that I’ve ever really hated Mondays. Yeah, it means the end of the far too short weekend. Yes, it’s back to the grind. Still, I was never mad at it. We had our moments though.  Let’s be clear on that! LOL!

Then, I started to think about things a bit different. I started to feel like that countdown to Friday was really me just rushing my life along. I didn’t like that feeling. Most of my week was spent at work. That’s five days out of seven. Why have a countdown going for that much of my life only to make myself happy for two, very rushed days? That didn’t jibe with me. My weeks are different now. I spend ALL week with my kids. Our week can be a grind. My son is starting elementary school today and the grind is about to really kick into high gear. He’s got to be at school at 7:50a. He’ll be in some extra curricular activities. My daughter has her classes and activities that will shift according to his new schedule. Then there’s that time I need to squeeze in there to do me. Yep, Monday through Friday is going to be a grind. It’s one that I’m not rushing though.

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If watching my babies grow up teaches me anything, it’s that time FLIES! I don’t need to rush it. Um, I’m suddenly the mom of an elementary school student people. Time is FLYING! More than anything, I want it to slow down a bit.

Starting this new phase, my son could NOT be more excited. He’s only talking about all the new friends he’s going to meet. He can’t wait to go to school because “I need to learn, Mommy.” His blind enthusiasm is so innocent. I’m deciding to take a page from his book. He hasn’t had a case of the Mondays and in his world they don’t exist. Every day is just a new day for an awesome adventure, time to learn something new, make new friends and see new things. Ding! That’s how I want to see life. Let me borrow those rose colored glasses! It may seem unrealistic but I am all about seeing the good and the positive. When we focus on the good and positive, we begin to see more of it. That being the case, I say bring it Monday! Tell Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday that I look forward to meeting them too. In due time.

What’s your take on Mondays? It is back to the grind or bring it on!?

 

Life is short. Be happy. #theend

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There’s something about getting older and having huge responsibilities. It changed me. It changed my outlook on life. It changed the things I care about. I care less about some things and more about others. In the end, I think I’m happier for it.

  • I don’t bother with trying to “make” people like me. Sometimes you have to know that people have made up their mind about you from the minute they saw you. They don’t want to change their opinion no matter what. You have to be OK with that. I am.

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  • I try to focus on the things I want to do. Of course there are things I have to do. It’s life, There  are things I can’t avoid even if  I don’t like doing them. I try to balance the scales though and sometimes tip them in my favor by doing more of what makes me happy.
  • I am not dependent on anyone else for my happiness. I love my friends and family to pieces. Don’t misunderstand. It’s just that I’ve learned that happiness is a choice and I am the only one that gets to make that choice for me.
  • I have also embraced the idea that life is short. It really is. The time will pass anyway so I may as well be doing something that makes brings joy to me and those I love.

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  • I am learning to live in the now but allow myself to dream even the wildest of dreams believing that they are totally within my reach.
  • I’ve also learned that who I am has nothing to do with my job title, what I wear or who I know. Those things are don’t make me and won’t be the things that keep me warm at night.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over time?

Living the Dream?

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I was sold. Hook line and sinker. I wanted it all. I wanted the house, the car, the husband, the kids, the career and all of the “things” that say I’m rocking this life thing. I got it all sewn up! There’s this idea that if you drive a certain car, wear particular clothes and live in certain neighborhood that you are on top of the world. That’s the story. The American Dream.

You go to college. You decide at 18years old what you’d like to do for the rest of your life and you  set off on the path of “living the dream”. I was so there. I had my plan carved out and I made it! I was living my American dream. After college, I started working in media right a way. I worked my way from editorial assistant for a newspaper to a writer and producer for network television. I got married, we got a dog, a house and two children.  It felt good to be able to check life goals off the imaginary life list. What didn’t feel good was the amount of hours needed to make the dream work. What didn’t feel good was never feeling like we had enough time with our kids. I started to realize the American dream was all about “things”. I thought about what that really meant for me.

There’s this saying that you never see a U-haul behind a Hearst because you can’t take any of this stuff with you. I thought about that. I thought about a minister once saying that we buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. Ouch!  Hmmm… I thought about what will matter most to me at the end of the day, my family or my stuff.  I had to re-evaluate what giving my all looked like for me.

While I was still producing television, I began having these ideas of the life I NOW wanted. I kept a notebook to jot them down. Now that I had that jigsaw laid out it was time to figure out how I was going to put that puzzle together. I started jotting down ideas. I talked to my husband to pick his brain. We were on the same page, thankfully. We are more concerned with experiences rather than things. We started talking things out to figure out how we could make our life simpler, easier. Being in the grind here in L.A. is a beast. We are on a mission to tame the beast in a way that works for our family.

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Part of that is making the best of our time with our kids creating memories and experiences. It’s led to me craving a simpler life. I never knew how much I loved the outdoors until I stopped to see it though the eyes of my babies. Playing at a water table really can be fun and therapeutic. The kids have fun and I let the water relax me a bit. This attitude has also extended to how I want our home set up. I’ve been on a mission to get rid of things that aren’t needed. I have bagging up things left and right. I have re-designed rooms in my head so that things just feel better. A while ago I read something about clearing space in your home as it relates to making space for other (non-material) things to come into your life. I’m all about that!  I can’t say that I won’t drool over the latest “it” bag or that I will completely abandon my closet full of shoes. I like baby steps, y’all. What I will say, is that I’ll be making progress bit by bit to make my life more of MY dream and less of the American dream. With the traditional dream, there is always more to get. With my dream, I focus on what I already have. Feels better already.

Selfish Mama: Am I Talking to You?

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Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. She was telling me about something that she’d read. It was a post about motherhood. The author was talking about the need to be a selfish mother. At first, I balked. My thoughts went straight here:

  • You can’t be selfish once you have children.
  • Your life isn’t only about you.
  • The kids ALWAYS come first.
  • If you’re being a selfish mama, what are your kids missing out on while you’re all about you?

I”m the mom that felt bad every time I dropped my babies off at day care. I lingered around forever because I didn’t want to be away from my babies. Now that my babies are at home full time, I’m the mom who felt guilty when I run to the coffee shop to work for a few hours. Yeah, I’m that mama. Me a selfish mama. I couldn’t see it.

As she continued telling me about this post, I started to change my thoughts. It began to make sense to me. It really didn’t seem so bad to be selfish at all. The thing that popped into my head was the words I hear when boarding an airplane. They always tell you when traveling with children, in the event of an emergency to put the oxygen mask over your own face first. Growing up, I thought that was messed up. You’re telling people to protect themselves and kick the kids to the curb? Of course, not. That’s what it sounded like to me as a little kid though.

self care aMaking sure you have oxygen first, makes you better equipped to help your child. If you’re struggling to breathe, you can’t think clearly. If you’re not thinking clearly, you won’t make it. If you don’t make it, how can you help your kids? I think the same is true overall in motherhood. I have been guilty of being last on my own list. I have gotten better about it though. For example, I know that I need to get myself ready first in the morning. If I don’t, things tend to go a bit off track. It’s just easier for me to get my children together, if I’m already pulled together. In a sense, it sets the tone. My babies see that I’m dressed and they know what’s expected. They know what’s coming next. It’s their turn and they begin to do things to get ready.

Could that be true in other cases? Of course! If we set out to take care of ourselves first in other areas, will it teach our kids to make themselves a priority? There are definitely extremes to this. There are people who don’t spend time with their kids because of this idea of putting yourself first. There has to be a balance though, right? There are times to be selfish and there are time to make yourself “next in line”. It’s a dance.  At times, I tend to hang out in the “next in line” phase a bit longer than I should. I am learning to put myself on my own list more often. Even when it feels selfish.

As moms, it’s no secret we juggle a lot. We feed, clean and clothe small people. We entertain, teach and engage them. We take them to countless activities and pretty soon your calendar only reflects your child’s social activities. Am I the only one here? It can get to the point that you can’t remember the last time you had a meal with your husband that didn’t involve cutting up someones else’s food. All of these things are part of being parents, absolutely. The thing is, being a parent isn’t the whole of who we are. Sometimes selfishly taking care of the rest of you is a must! (tweet this)An empty lantern provides no light

That could mean making time for a hair appointment, a pedicure or a shopping trip to Target – ALONE. Make time to have a meal (you didn’t prepare) and gaze at that hottie you married. You almost forgot about that part of him because you’re used to seeing him as a father now. Make time for sharing a meal and maybe a *gasp* glass of wine with your girlfriends. It feels good to laugh your face off about grown woman stuff every now and then. It may feel selfish but I promise it will make you a better mama.

What about you? What do you think of this idea of a being a selfish mama? 

A labor of LOVE + I named her Get it, Mama!

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What’s the biggest change that happens after becoming a mama? I don’t know that I could pick just one. There’s the whole thing with exhaustion. That’s real! I remember wondering if I would EVER get sleep again. With my first child, I remember feeling like people forgot about me. Everybody wanted to talk to me but they only wanted to talk about my baby. I get it though. He was all I wanted to talk about too. 🙂

That’s kind of where it started though. People made it clear to me that my life was changing and my dreams needed to take a backseat –  indefinitely. They weren’t trying to be Debbie Downer’s. They meant it in the best way possible.  I’m all about my life changing.  I want to be a hands-on, engaging, snuggle party-having mom. I good with making the sacrifices that come with that. I embrace it. So much so, that I had another baby. may 26 dump 036

The thing I couldn’t accept is my dreams taking an indefinite backseat. My thinking is that my dreams are still valid post-baby. They don’t suddenly expire because I have a little person on my hip. What does change is the time I have to pursue those dreams. My priority  is making sure my babies are getting all they need even while I make sure I’m following my heart and pursuing things that I love. It’s not easy, for sure. It can be done though.

I should say here that I’m a “prove you wrong” type of girl. If you tell me I can’t do something, I’ll make it my mission to find a way to do it. I took this same attitude when it came to following some of my dreams after my babies made their way into the world. I’ve accomplished a few things and I have a long list of things I want to do still. The way that I see it, my kids will benefit from seeing me make my dreams a reality. I bet they’ll also be inspired to do the same. I call that WINNING!

Since becoming a mom, I have more friends who are moms as well. A hot topic seems to be all of the things we want to do – one day. Write a book, start a business, launch a blog, etc. From all of our conversations, this guide was born. Meet Get it, Mama! It’s a guide I’ve been working on for what seems like forever. I’m talking practical tips for us to do more of what makes us happy all while rocking our number ONE gig!

I’d love for you to check out my labor of love, it’s FREE! Just click the image below. 🙂

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Tell me, what do you struggle with when it comes to balancing babies and pursuing your passions/dreams?