Month: August 2014

Life is short. Be happy. #theend

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There’s something about getting older and having huge responsibilities. It changed me. It changed my outlook on life. It changed the things I care about. I care less about some things and more about others. In the end, I think I’m happier for it.

  • I don’t bother with trying to “make” people like me. Sometimes you have to know that people have made up their mind about you from the minute they saw you. They don’t want to change their opinion no matter what. You have to be OK with that. I am.

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  • I try to focus on the things I want to do. Of course there are things I have to do. It’s life, There  are things I can’t avoid even if  I don’t like doing them. I try to balance the scales though and sometimes tip them in my favor by doing more of what makes me happy.
  • I am not dependent on anyone else for my happiness. I love my friends and family to pieces. Don’t misunderstand. It’s just that I’ve learned that happiness is a choice and I am the only one that gets to make that choice for me.
  • I have also embraced the idea that life is short. It really is. The time will pass anyway so I may as well be doing something that makes brings joy to me and those I love.

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  • I am learning to live in the now but allow myself to dream even the wildest of dreams believing that they are totally within my reach.
  • I’ve also learned that who I am has nothing to do with my job title, what I wear or who I know. Those things are don’t make me and won’t be the things that keep me warm at night.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over time?

Living the Dream?

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I was sold. Hook line and sinker. I wanted it all. I wanted the house, the car, the husband, the kids, the career and all of the “things” that say I’m rocking this life thing. I got it all sewn up! There’s this idea that if you drive a certain car, wear particular clothes and live in certain neighborhood that you are on top of the world. That’s the story. The American Dream.

You go to college. You decide at 18years old what you’d like to do for the rest of your life and you  set off on the path of “living the dream”. I was so there. I had my plan carved out and I made it! I was living my American dream. After college, I started working in media right a way. I worked my way from editorial assistant for a newspaper to a writer and producer for network television. I got married, we got a dog, a house and two children.  It felt good to be able to check life goals off the imaginary life list. What didn’t feel good was the amount of hours needed to make the dream work. What didn’t feel good was never feeling like we had enough time with our kids. I started to realize the American dream was all about “things”. I thought about what that really meant for me.

There’s this saying that you never see a U-haul behind a Hearst because you can’t take any of this stuff with you. I thought about that. I thought about a minister once saying that we buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. Ouch!  Hmmm… I thought about what will matter most to me at the end of the day, my family or my stuff.  I had to re-evaluate what giving my all looked like for me.

While I was still producing television, I began having these ideas of the life I NOW wanted. I kept a notebook to jot them down. Now that I had that jigsaw laid out it was time to figure out how I was going to put that puzzle together. I started jotting down ideas. I talked to my husband to pick his brain. We were on the same page, thankfully. We are more concerned with experiences rather than things. We started talking things out to figure out how we could make our life simpler, easier. Being in the grind here in L.A. is a beast. We are on a mission to tame the beast in a way that works for our family.

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Part of that is making the best of our time with our kids creating memories and experiences. It’s led to me craving a simpler life. I never knew how much I loved the outdoors until I stopped to see it though the eyes of my babies. Playing at a water table really can be fun and therapeutic. The kids have fun and I let the water relax me a bit. This attitude has also extended to how I want our home set up. I’ve been on a mission to get rid of things that aren’t needed. I have bagging up things left and right. I have re-designed rooms in my head so that things just feel better. A while ago I read something about clearing space in your home as it relates to making space for other (non-material) things to come into your life. I’m all about that!  I can’t say that I won’t drool over the latest “it” bag or that I will completely abandon my closet full of shoes. I like baby steps, y’all. What I will say, is that I’ll be making progress bit by bit to make my life more of MY dream and less of the American dream. With the traditional dream, there is always more to get. With my dream, I focus on what I already have. Feels better already.

Selfish Mama: Am I Talking to You?

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Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. She was telling me about something that she’d read. It was a post about motherhood. The author was talking about the need to be a selfish mother. At first, I balked. My thoughts went straight here:

  • You can’t be selfish once you have children.
  • Your life isn’t only about you.
  • The kids ALWAYS come first.
  • If you’re being a selfish mama, what are your kids missing out on while you’re all about you?

I”m the mom that felt bad every time I dropped my babies off at day care. I lingered around forever because I didn’t want to be away from my babies. Now that my babies are at home full time, I’m the mom who felt guilty when I run to the coffee shop to work for a few hours. Yeah, I’m that mama. Me a selfish mama. I couldn’t see it.

As she continued telling me about this post, I started to change my thoughts. It began to make sense to me. It really didn’t seem so bad to be selfish at all. The thing that popped into my head was the words I hear when boarding an airplane. They always tell you when traveling with children, in the event of an emergency to put the oxygen mask over your own face first. Growing up, I thought that was messed up. You’re telling people to protect themselves and kick the kids to the curb? Of course, not. That’s what it sounded like to me as a little kid though.

self care aMaking sure you have oxygen first, makes you better equipped to help your child. If you’re struggling to breathe, you can’t think clearly. If you’re not thinking clearly, you won’t make it. If you don’t make it, how can you help your kids? I think the same is true overall in motherhood. I have been guilty of being last on my own list. I have gotten better about it though. For example, I know that I need to get myself ready first in the morning. If I don’t, things tend to go a bit off track. It’s just easier for me to get my children together, if I’m already pulled together. In a sense, it sets the tone. My babies see that I’m dressed and they know what’s expected. They know what’s coming next. It’s their turn and they begin to do things to get ready.

Could that be true in other cases? Of course! If we set out to take care of ourselves first in other areas, will it teach our kids to make themselves a priority? There are definitely extremes to this. There are people who don’t spend time with their kids because of this idea of putting yourself first. There has to be a balance though, right? There are times to be selfish and there are time to make yourself “next in line”. It’s a dance.  At times, I tend to hang out in the “next in line” phase a bit longer than I should. I am learning to put myself on my own list more often. Even when it feels selfish.

As moms, it’s no secret we juggle a lot. We feed, clean and clothe small people. We entertain, teach and engage them. We take them to countless activities and pretty soon your calendar only reflects your child’s social activities. Am I the only one here? It can get to the point that you can’t remember the last time you had a meal with your husband that didn’t involve cutting up someones else’s food. All of these things are part of being parents, absolutely. The thing is, being a parent isn’t the whole of who we are. Sometimes selfishly taking care of the rest of you is a must! (tweet this)An empty lantern provides no light

That could mean making time for a hair appointment, a pedicure or a shopping trip to Target – ALONE. Make time to have a meal (you didn’t prepare) and gaze at that hottie you married. You almost forgot about that part of him because you’re used to seeing him as a father now. Make time for sharing a meal and maybe a *gasp* glass of wine with your girlfriends. It feels good to laugh your face off about grown woman stuff every now and then. It may feel selfish but I promise it will make you a better mama.

What about you? What do you think of this idea of a being a selfish mama? 

A labor of LOVE + I named her Get it, Mama!

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What’s the biggest change that happens after becoming a mama? I don’t know that I could pick just one. There’s the whole thing with exhaustion. That’s real! I remember wondering if I would EVER get sleep again. With my first child, I remember feeling like people forgot about me. Everybody wanted to talk to me but they only wanted to talk about my baby. I get it though. He was all I wanted to talk about too. 🙂

That’s kind of where it started though. People made it clear to me that my life was changing and my dreams needed to take a backseat –  indefinitely. They weren’t trying to be Debbie Downer’s. They meant it in the best way possible.  I’m all about my life changing.  I want to be a hands-on, engaging, snuggle party-having mom. I good with making the sacrifices that come with that. I embrace it. So much so, that I had another baby. may 26 dump 036

The thing I couldn’t accept is my dreams taking an indefinite backseat. My thinking is that my dreams are still valid post-baby. They don’t suddenly expire because I have a little person on my hip. What does change is the time I have to pursue those dreams. My priority  is making sure my babies are getting all they need even while I make sure I’m following my heart and pursuing things that I love. It’s not easy, for sure. It can be done though.

I should say here that I’m a “prove you wrong” type of girl. If you tell me I can’t do something, I’ll make it my mission to find a way to do it. I took this same attitude when it came to following some of my dreams after my babies made their way into the world. I’ve accomplished a few things and I have a long list of things I want to do still. The way that I see it, my kids will benefit from seeing me make my dreams a reality. I bet they’ll also be inspired to do the same. I call that WINNING!

Since becoming a mom, I have more friends who are moms as well. A hot topic seems to be all of the things we want to do – one day. Write a book, start a business, launch a blog, etc. From all of our conversations, this guide was born. Meet Get it, Mama! It’s a guide I’ve been working on for what seems like forever. I’m talking practical tips for us to do more of what makes us happy all while rocking our number ONE gig!

I’d love for you to check out my labor of love, it’s FREE! Just click the image below. 🙂

Get it, Mama!(2)

Tell me, what do you struggle with when it comes to balancing babies and pursuing your passions/dreams?